Ah yes, another post wherein I hop up on my soapbox. See, every now and then, a story gets me so riled up that I have to talk about it on here. Today’s edition of pissed-off-geek-rant is brought to you by Paul Christoforo, courtesy of Penny Arcade.

If you’re not yet familiar with the situation, you can read the whole thing on above Penny Arcade link, but in brief, Dave, a customer of Ocean Marketing, emailed Paul, the President of Ocean Marketing, about a set of PS3 controllers he’d ordered in early November, which he’d believed would arrive in early December but hadn’t. Paul gave incorrect dates, then gave vague answers about the shipping and manufacturing process, then when Dave (the customer) mentioned that the site is now giving new orders $10 off, Paul started talking trash, name-dropping, and talking himself up (all with deplorably poor grammar, might I add).

As this situation has unraveled (and my has it), the very names Paul dropped have publicly responded to note his unprofessionalism in their dealings, their unawareness of who he is, or that they do not support Paul or his company. Furthermore, whatever name he thought he had in the online world is.. well, just Google Paul Christoforo. Which reminds me of one line that I particularly loved:

Welcome to the Internet ? Son Im 38 I wwebsite as on the internet when you were a sperm in your daddys balls and before it was the internet, thanks for the welcome to message wurd up.

That’s directly quoted. I’d add in the [sic], but it would get redundant. And yes, that’s what Paul, the president of Ocean Marketing, PUT INTO WRITING.

Honestly, there was a very simple solution to this situation: give Dave a straightforward answer about the date he should receive the product. Honestly, a simple “We’re not sure when this will be available- the product development process hasn’t gone as smoothly as planned, but we look forward to getting it into your hands as soon as possible. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, and as you can see, we’re offering $10 off of new purchases, so if you could please send me the necessary information, I’m happy to extend that offer to you as well as a thank you for your loyalty and patience” probably would have sufficed. IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT, PEOPLE! Okay, so the credit or reimbursement could get a little complicated, but it could have saved him from this whole debacle at any rate.

Honestly, how this guy is president of anything is beyond me, but he’s provided some fantastic takeaways for all you PR and marketing folk.

1. Don’t Lie.

This should be obvious, but apparently it needs to be said. If you can’t give a precise answer, be honest about it and say so. People appreciate honesty, even if the situation is frustrating. At the very least, they get to know what’s really going on and can make a more informed decision about what to do next.

2. Be Sincere.

If you’re really sorry, show it. In this case, extending that same offer that new customers are getting to the ones who are still waiting on their order is a pretty solid show of good faith in my book. In other scenarios, go back to #1. HONESTY GOES A REALLY LONG WAY.

3. Don’t Name-Drop.

Even if the name you think you have to drop is a close, personal relationship, no one likes to be spoken for. Furthermore, it makes everyone involved look bad and it’s just plain tacky.

4. Don’t Disparage Your Target Audience.

This includes assigning them a stereotype, by the way. The thing about target markets is they tend to have a lot in common if they’re buying specialized products like this, and when you isolate one member of that market, the rest of the market sees themselves in that person. In this case, you get the gamers and geeks of the internet mobilized against you. It’s not pretty.

5. Use Proper Grammar, for God’s Sake.

Your credibility drops to zero when you can’t string a sentence together… or in this case, you string eight sentences together without punctuation. Spelling counts, too. Especially when it’s the spelling of what you do. Paul’s Twitter handle is @OceanMarketting. WITH 2 T’S. No joke. How embarrassing. Furthermore, YOU DON’T SPEW OBSCENITIES OR RESORT TO NAMECALLING! I mean, come on. What a gimme.

**UPDATE: Paul changed his Twitter handle to @OceanStratagy. Still misspelled. @OceanMarketting is now tweeting for powers of good.

6. Don’t Draw False Comparisons.

When Paul asked if Dave whines about bigger game launch dates being pushed back, he made a HUGE error in a couple ways. First of all, he compared himself to a situation that he can’t hold water to. When a launch date is pushed back, usually the company will give a reason, estimated date, and apology. On top of that, those companies usually haven’t accepted the payments in full for those products. For example, reserving a copy of a game before its release usually involves about a $5-$10 holding fee, not the entire cost of the game. He opened himself up for even worse criticism, not to mention that he showed the world how out of touch he really is with his target market.

7. Keep Your Customers Updated

This entire thing could have been completely avoided if Ocean Marketing had broadcast the production/shipping delay, which could be in the form of a PR release on the product site, an email blast, a Tweet and/or a Facebook post. I’d recommend all of them, so when these kinds of questions arise, you can say “Here. This is what you’re looking for, but sorry again.”

The more I think about this story, the more I keep thinking of the white iPhone 4 situation. There were tons of delays, but at least the customers had notice about it, and more to the point, they weren’t made available for purchase or pre-order because they didn’t yet exist. They kept their potential or ongoing customers in the loop and able to make an informed decision.

A couple more highlights before I go here:
1. This guy’s Twitter description says his company is “a Premier Social Media Company and SEO Company.” I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
2. Paul promised a Penny Arcade smear campaign. Not only did he not follow through on that promise (big surprise there), but he just made himself look bad. Really. Really. Bad.
3. One of the last things he said was “you have no clue who I am.” That’s usually not a good thing, Paul. Worse yet, we all know who you are now. Again, not a good thing.

While I’m not a gamer, I’m a proud geek, and this has me seriously fired up. What would you have done in this situation?

And I’ll step down from my soapbox now. Ahem.

My sister and I have made our own tradition of Black Friday shopping, camping out at Target starting at 8pm and waiting out the cold until the doors open. It’s a minor rush, but it’s a fun way to really kick off the Christmas season, looking for gifts for everyone.

So this year, true to form, we haul through Target, filling overfilling a cart with WHOA you almost got me there, but I won’t be tricked into telling what I got everyone for Christmas. You tricky thing, you.

Yeah, that just happened.

Anyway, my sister tried to add something to the cart and it and 5 other items fell out. It was THAT kind of overfilled, so I figured I’d go find another shopping cart and split up the hoard. Now if you’re familiar with Target, you know that the shopping carts are by the $1 bins, which means that I was all over the stocking stuffers and gift wrap, but most importantly, I was that jerk who took all of the tubes of tiny multi-colored Christmas ornaments.

And I made an adorable garland with them, thank you very much.

So I get back to my sister, we sort out our finds out as we weave through the cosmetics department, because by now the queue is so long that it’s actually woven through the aisles.

OH, and there’s a guy waiting at the ends of the aisles TELLING HIS KID TO CUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. There’s one for therapy. My dad wanted me to get punched in the face on Black Friday when I was a kid.

Anyway, we finish sorting our things and we’re getting close to the checkout. I start to wonder how Cameron’s doing with my dad, so I look for my phone. And it’s not in my cart. Or purse. Or pockets. Crap crap crap.

So I check out, my sister checks out, and she stands and waits while I run back to check the spot where we switched carts, the Christmas ornament section, and guest services, because I was certain that I hadn’t brought it with me when I got the shopping cart.

Oh, and her phone was dead by this point, so I couldn’t even call it. So we get in her car, charge up her phone, and I call it a couple times. Then I remember I had Find My iPhone on it, so I lock it remotely and send a message saying to either call my sister’s number or return the phone to guest services. Then I look at its location on the map and I realize it was still at Target.

Now by this time, we’re about 2 blocks from my house, so we have to turn around, drive ALL the way back and start running around the front of the store like crazy people. So I send off the tracking sound like, 5 times and I hear absolutely nothing. I call, nothing. I check the $1 bins, it’s not there. I check with guest services again. Nothing. Then I look at the map again and MY PHONE HAS MOVED TO THE PARKING LOT!!!

So my sister and I BOLT out the doors, and she starts bellowing, “WE ARE SEARCHING FOR A MISSING IPHONE. HAND IT OVER OR WE WILL PROSECUTE!” and I’m wandering through the parking lot, trying to find the exact spot that the map was showing. Then I realized I was standing right on it, so I peek into the car next to me and there’s this guy playing with my phone!!

So I put on my serious face, knock on the window, and gesture that he has my phone. He steps out, covers the front of my phone and asks what’s on the screen, and my sister starts yelling at the guy, “THAT’S A STOLEN PHONE. WE ARE GOING TO PROSECUTE, SO HAND IT OVER” and I’m trying to shut her up and tell the guy that the image on the screen is MY EFFING SLEEPING BABY and if you would all stop talking, I could prove that it belongs to me by entering the security code.

But he was cool and explained that he’d found it by the liquor filled chocolates in the $1 section and someone else had tried to take it, but he did instead (I really didn’t get what he was saying at that point). He showed us that he already had his own iPhone because my sister was all sorts of feisty, and he wasn’t trying to take it, handing it over after I told him the screen image. He complimented Cameron, congratulated me, we all wished each other a happy holiday, and went on our now much merrier ways.

Now when I got it back, I was locked out for about 5 minutes because I guess he’d been trying to guess the code. My sister thinks he was going to steal and unlock it to sell it because he didn’t just take it to guest services. Frankly, I’m just happy that I got it back, it was intact, and I didn’t lose any data.

However, the moral of the story is to INSTALL FIND MY IPHONE. Seriously, register your phone or iPad with iCloud and you’ll be able to recover it from any computer or iOS device. Maybe you’ll never use it, but it doesn’t hurt to have it just in case.

So I told you guys that things are changing a bit round these parts, and they are! So welcome to What a Geek Wednesday. I’ll post weekly features on gadgets, gear and general geekery for your squeeing delight. This week, we’re starting with the most epic additions to any geek’s workspace.

When you walk into someones office, being your new boss, a coworker or an associate, you learn a lot about them. A lot. You can see if they’re the kind of people who need chaos to fuel their creativity, or a clean, clear space to keep themselves focused. All these factors in mind, I’ve compiled a list of a few awesome tools to help create a functional, productivity fueled workspace.

1. Cable Capture

Ok, so this thing is really cool. Basically, it’s a stackable/mountable cord collector. What’s particularly cool is that one collector holds one cable, so you can easy move things around without getting tangled in a vine-labyrinth of cords. It comes in multiple sizes and it’s reeeally easy to use.

Price Range: $5-$34.95 (Singles to Combo packs…)

2. Belkin Mini Surge Protector & USB Charger

We have the cords all cleaned up, so let’s plug in! This is a great addition to your office space, PLUS it’s a great tool for conferences and traveling.
Sidenote: It’s always smart to bring a surge protector to a conference, especially with plugs to share. It’s an easy way to make a new friend by being well prepared.

Price Range: $9.99-$12.99

3. Mozy

BACK UP YOUR FILES.

Protect yourself, your business, and all the important files you have entrusted to your hard drive and external hard drive. Bad things happen, people.

I know it’s not an actual physical part of the workspace, buuuuut it’s important enough to make it’s way onto the list.

Price Range: You can try it free (2GB) or pay $4.95/month for unlimited storage

4. Whiteboard Paint

For the geek who has everything, whiteboard paint is a way to make an entire wall into a whiteboard. I’m a big fan of whiteboarding things out, and whiteboard paint takes that to a whole new level. Essentially, you paint a wall with a few coats of whiteboard paint and Voila! You have a ginormous whiteboard. I know that Rust-oleum has a line but I’ve heard much better things of IdeaPaint (they’re on Twitter!). Either way, it’s pretty expensive, but the novelty of it is really exciting.

Price Range: IdeaPaint $15 (Holiday promo!!) (3 sq feet of coverage) – $99+ (25 sq. ft. of coverage) or $23-$25/quart of Rust-oluem’s Dry Erase Paint (approx. 49 sq. ft. of coverage)

Now there is a super chic alternative that I happen to really really like because I’m a geek for functional decor. Glass panels! If you want CSI or Numbers or any of those super awesome criminal investigation shows, you’ll see some whiteboarding on windows & glass walls. Not necessarily a significantly less expensive solution, though it can be! Check out the returned goods section at your local Ikea. They’ll often have glass table top components and panels on the cheap, PLUS they’re often in unique shapes and sizes. Mount the pane on a wall and yet again, you have an effective and cool/creative looking whiteboard. (Plus glass is easier to maintain than an actual whiteboard is..)

Price Range: $15-$170 (Depends on how creative you’re feeling..)

5. USB Aromatherapy Oil Burner

Yep. Plug it in, add your favorite fragrance oils, it makes your office smell good. There are a ton of different styles out there, from actual oil burner dishes to flash-drive-like sticks with a spot for oils.

If you’re all tapped out on USB space, though, candles are great. Even better? Candles on a coffee mug warmer. This way, you’re melting the wax without burning it away so the candle’s last longer and the risk of setting yourself or your office on fire is minimized. (i.e. You’d have to be really really dumb or forgetful to set something on fire using this candle burning method.) However, if you’re a spaz like I am, be cautious not to spill wax all over everything.

And if you do spill wax on everything, shoot me an email and I’ll walk you through the billions of ways you can get wax out of everything.

What makes these such cool additions to the office is that they go beyond normal geek realm and add to the general mood of the workstation. Scent is such an affective sense, so adding to that is a simple, interesting touch to the home and actual office.

Price: $5.99-$12.99

6. iPhone Acoustic Amplifier

Not a docking station, but an amplifier. Essentially, it’s an acoustically engineered box that projects the sound from your iPhone/iPod touch (because we all know how good their sound is). Additionally, you never have to worry about compatibility issues – you can feed your own iPhone/iPod cable through it to keep it charging while you listen.

Price: $19.99

7. Grass Pen Stand

Super cute, really simple, and a fun little addition to the desk space, the grass pen stand is an super-awesome alternative to the super-lame pen cup. Additionally, while it isn’t the real thing, plants are an auspicious addition to the workspace. If you’re gifting for the non-committal type you can’t keep a weed alive, this mayyyyy be the way to go.

Price: $14

8. Bose Companion 3 Series II Multimedia Speaker System

Delicious sound quality from your very own desk.. mmmmmmm!! Bose brings it’s incredible sound quality to your desktop – lord knows how much time you spend on it. It’s great for making your work station more… well… awesome. Additionally, it makes for a great home movie station. With the ever increasing availability of movies & movie rentals and TV streaming online, there are a ton of people watching their favorite shows and movies on their computers. What’s a good movie without good sound?

Sidenote/Experiment: Turn off the sound effects and music on your favorite movie. With few exceptions, it’ll totally ruin the experience and the emotional draw of the film.

Finally, these are ideal for the composer, sound editor or music buff in your life. Gorgeous sound where he/she needs it most. Who could ask for anything more?

Price: $249 on Amazon, maybe cheaper elsewhere?

9. Ninja Toothbrush Sanitizer

Ok, not exactly for the desk/office/whatnot, but it’s still an awesome addition to the geek’s sanitary arsenal.. because hygiene is important… really, really important. Besides, who doesn’t use a toothbrush?

Anyway, this nifty little gadget protects your toothbrush from airborne bacterial matter (don’t click it if you don’t want to be grossed out and you’re okay with just taking my word on the importance of safeguarding your toothbrush) and kills off the bacteria the toothbrush is there for in the first place.

And did I mention it’s a ninja?

Price: $36.99

10. Moleskine Notebook

Incongruent with a tech based station? Au contraire, ma ami. Everyone needs a place to jot their thoughts, because sometimes thoughts flow more freely from a pen than they do from a keyboard. Additionally, for the traveler, it may be easier to just draw, diagram or jot something down quickly instead of either waiting to get to a computer or hashing it out with their smartphone of choice. It’s simple, useful, and a generally lovely stocking stuffer.

Price: $10.95-$19.95

Today, Apple announced their “most advanced technology in a magical and revolutionary device:” the iPad. It’s the tablet we’ve all been waiting for.

Right?

Well, it’s a tablet, that’s true. Let’s run down some specs first.

Specs:

9.7″ Multitouch Screen
1024-by-768-pixel resolution at 132 pixels per inch (ppi)

0.5″ in Depth
1.5 lbs (1.6 lbs with 3G)

Available in 16GB, 32GB and 64GB with or without 3G.
1GHz Apple A4 low-power system-on-a-chip

All models are Wi-Fi and Bluetooth ready
Digital Compass
Accelerometer
Built-in 25Whr rechargeable lithium-polymer battery
Approx. 10 hours of web surfing, watching videos and listening to music.

For even more specs, check out Apple’s iPad specs page.

Ok. So what exactly does it do?

Everything an iPhone does… but on a bigger screen with a more convenient user interface. Quite literally, it’s the perfect go-between for a MacBook Pro and iPhone.

So if you already have both, why would you need an iPad? It seems a little ridiculous.

You all know me: I’m a huge Apple fangirl. Before today, I thought Apple could do no wrong.

The iPad changed it all. I hate to say it, but there really wasn’t anything terribly innovative presented at today’s “Latest Creation” event. Additionally, there are a few major things missing from or wrong with the iPad.

1. They named it the iPad.

If you’re on Twitter, you saw the jokes likening the iPad to feminine hygiene products. Because it sounds like one.

However, if you missed them, here are a few favorites:

“With a name like iPad I’m guessing we’ll only use it one week a month and occasionally while we’re sleeping.” @ruthakers

“The new Apple iPad! With 4 gigs of absorbency!” @thebenbrooks

“You can do things with the #iTampon that you just can’t do with the #iPad – like biking, horseback riding and swimming” @thomasjhardy

And let’s just add insult to injury with the trending topic: iTampon.

BTW, MadTV did an iPad sketch 4 years ago. Seriously, Apple, what were you thinking?

2. No Flash support.

One of the biggest complaints about the iPhone is it’s lack of Flash capabilities, and since this is a larger device than the iPhone, it will inevitably be an even more prominent issue. I understand that Apple wants people to buy things from the iTunes store, but frankly, if there is a service that allows me to use or see something for free (think Hulu, not torrenting), I’d rather use it. I understand wanting to make money – trust me – but come on! I’d really rather not buy an entire episode of SNL just to watch a single clip. And Hulu makes it really convenient to watch my fave clip of Arrested Development. Over and over and over again. And again.

I’d rather suffer through 30 seconds of ads than pay to watch something once. Seriously. This is the beauty of services like Hulu and Netflix (can I get a what what for instant view!). Let me subscribe to stream a movie or show instead of charging me. This is half of the reason Blockbuster is failing, Apple. Get on the boat!

3. It’s missing classic tablet functionality.

By classic tablet functionality, I mean it’s not going to be draft/design friendly. I was hoping that Apple would integrate some of the functions of Wacom’s line of tablets & pen input displays. Considering that Apple is the first choice of the creative industry, they truly missed out on an opportunity to integrate some awesome extended features here. Specifically, I would have loved to see write-to-text and precision art tools. Given that the iPad runs on the iPhone OS and is really more of a multimedia center than productivity tool, this point is really nullified.

4. No multitasking.

Yet another carryover groaner from the iPhone & iPod Touch: the iPad doesn’t run multiple apps simultaneously.

Seriously?! When the eff will I be able to listen to Pandora AND text without having to reload my freaking game of Scrabble?!

5. Poor multimedia integration in general.

The iPad won’t have a camera, SD card or standard USB port. The camera is a no brainer, plus you would think that you’d be able to add pictures directly. Additionally, most cameras are USB ready as it is. Unfortunately, you’ll have to buy a dock adapter to use a USB peripheral.

I know that this isn’t necessarily supposed to function as a normal computer will, but let’s be honest here. This seems to be a great multimedia center as a whole, but it ONLY seems to be a multimedia center. I thought that it may at least be free standing, but unfortunately, it seems that it has to be synced to a primary computer. In essence, it’s an oversized iPod Touch.

If I were to even consider getting an iPad, it would HAVE to function that way so I wouldn’t have to load down my MacBooks memory with my iTunes and iPhoto files.

But who are we kidding? That’s what externals are for, and frankly, the iPad doesn’t have enough memory to hold my iTunes & iPhoto libraries.

6. AT&T

I mean, are we kidding? I feel like I’m writing a rant about everything I want to change about the iPhone. It’s unfortunate that the computer company with the top rated customer support services is paired with wireless’ absolute worst. Not only is AT&T’s customer support absolutely abhorrent, but their network is patchy at best. I used to depend heavily on the 3G network, since moving 5 feet requires reconnecting with whichever Wi-Fi network is connected. Unfortunately, data users put more pressure than AT&T can handle on it’s data network (and AT&T isn’t about to admit that they’re the problem). With growing 3G network dissatisfaction and many people citing AT&T as an anti-selling point to the iPhone, I’m more than bothered that AT&T received exclusive data coverage.

In essence…

The iPad is, unfortunately, an overgrown iPod Touch meant to act as a shiny toy that seems to simply be for show. Let’s be honest here, everything about it’s functionality screams “buy more stuff from Apple via iTunes, the App Store and iBooks.” I love Apple. I do. But this seems like a call out to the elitists of the Apple marketplace.

I think iBooks is really the most exciting announcement of Apple’s “Latest Creation” event. To create a marketplace for books is (I think) the final frontier of multimedia consumer products for Apple to sell and of course the iPad is a great device for it. It has a lot of potential for innovation within the realm of academia. The question is will iBooks be able to compete with Amazon for the Kindle’s share of the wireless reader market?

The iPad doesn’t offer anything you would need if you already have an iPhone and Apple computer. I’d imagine it’s great for kids for the games, music and entertainment tools. However, $499-$829 is a high price to pay for a kids entertainment gadget. I can’t really think of a great target market for such a gadget except for the frequent traveler. However, in my travels I’ve found my MacBook and iPhone to be beyond sufficient.

I love my Mac gear, but the iPad is one gadget I won’t be adding to my arsenal anytime soon.

What do you like or dislike about the iPad and would you buy one?

Ohh 2009. It’s been an interesting year. And by interesting I mean the general consensus is that 2009 was a growing year. And by growing year I mean it sucked.

However, 2009 did produce a couple awesome goodies to compensate for it’s general suckitude.

Therefore, it is my absolute pleasure to present to you:

The Top 10 Super Awesome Geeky Fun Things of 2009

1. Craftsquatch Social Media and Geeky Pillows

These adorable, squishy testaments to our mass addiction to our social networks were a sign storm siren that our virtual lives are rapidly bleeding into our real lives. But they’re so cuuuuute!

Price: $15.99-$19.99

2. Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

Geeks of the world were shocked and awed by the genius of the Tauntaun sleeping bag. I mean, it’s like LIVING one of the most awesome parts of Star Wars. Except you don’t have to deal with the mess. Or the smell. Or the arctic tundra that is Hoth.

AWESOME!

Price: $99

3. Yoda Plush Backpack

Since we’re on the topic of living out Star Wars, the Yoda Plush Backpack must be addressed. Flash back to Dagobah Swamp… You’ve just met this strange little wrinkly dude who mixes his parts of speech and kinda seems like an all out pest.. little did you know he would groom you to meet your potential as the most powerful Jedi knight of all time! Meanwhile, you’re stuck giving him a piggy-back ride through this God-forsaken swamp.

Fulfill your destiny one humble step at a time.. or just show the world how big of a geek you truly are.

Price: $34.99

4. The Beatles Rock Band

(Amazon link)
Not necessarily as geeky as Star Wars gear, but I still think it qualifies as geeky. I love The Beatles. I love Rock Band. So I got The Beatles Rock Band, complete with instruments modeled after John Lennon’s Rickenbacker 325 guitar, George Harrison’s Gretsch Duo Jet guitar, Paul McCartney’s Höfner bass AND Ringo Starr’s classic “The Beatles” bass drum cover. When I heard that this would be released (I heard about it something like a year ago?), I was stoked. However, The Beatles wouldn’t be The Beatles without super catchy harmonic lines, too. Guess what? THREE PART HARMONY SUPPORT!! It’s like the video game gods smiled on the music geeks of the world (although you could argue that the music from Halo, Zelda and Super Smash Bros Brawl is the gaming world’s contribution to music).

Anyway, Beatles Rock Band? Heck yes!

Price: $59.99 (Game Alone)-$249.99 (Bundle with game, mic, drums & guitar)

5. Lego Rock Band

Who doesn’t love Legos? Lego already has an awesome line of video games out there, so taking on Rock Band was obviously the next natural step. Unfortunately, they didn’t make super mega awesome Lego controllers. Get on it, Lego-maniacs!

Price: $49.99

6. Bacon Salt

Please don’t disown me, but I don’t eat pig meat. Pork, ham, piggy bacon, and all other piggy parts make me very very ill. Additionally, piggy parts are all a bit too heavy & salty for me.

HOWEVER, I do recognize the geek world’s fondness, nay obsession, with bacon. Hell, even I like bacon on occasion (just not the piggy kind – I’m not exactly what you’d call a masochist). Thus I recognize the geeky miracle that is Bacon Salt.

Yes. Bacon Salt is bacon flavored salt, so you can make everything taste like bacon. You can find it at most major grocery stores or online.

Price: $4.49-$5.99

7. Plush Jobs

I know they’re all sold out (believe me, I really want one), but it’s still hilariously awesome. It’s a cuddly Steve Jobs, ready for travel, fun and adventure! I can’t describe him nearly as well as Tomi of PodBrix does, so I’ll let you read what he has to say:

Plush Jobs loves you. Cuddle up with him and pretend he’s whispering corporate secrets in your ear. Jobs enjoys hanging out with your other stuffed animals… also he adores Barbie. But please keep him away from computers running Windows, he hates those.
Plush Jobs would like you to know that he is completely handmade and that his glasses are constructed from wire. He also mentions that even his shoelaces are hand stitched. Plush Jobs says that he is quite tall at 43cm (17″ inches) high. He thinks it would be very nice to live at your house.

Plush Jobs is not for children. Unfortunately he is a choking hazard. Please be 18 or older to handle Jobs responsibly.

Beautiful.

Price: $27.99, but sorry! It’s sold out

8. Obama Chia Head

A coworker of mine actually owns one of these beauties, and it is as amazing as it sounds.

Seriously, though. It’s a Chia Head made in the likeness of the POTUS. How awesome is that?

Additionally, in writing this post, I discovered that there is a set of 4 patriotic Chia Heads including George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Lady Liberty AND they make a Hillary Clinton Chia Head. Lemme tell you, Hillary Clinton with a green Chia ‘fro is a sight to behold. And by a sight to behold I mean hilarious.

Price: $19.95 a piece, $7.95 S&H (order more than one and they wave S&H, though)

9. Star Trek

One of the keystones of geek culture is reignited in the form of a 2 hour badass-fest. Trekkies and non-Trekkies alike rejoiced in the revival of one of the greatest, geekiest icons of all time, ushering in a new generation of Star Trek fandom.

Rife with homages to the original series (think red-shirts dying first), eye candy, and action, Star Trek not only satisfied the geeky masses, but converted a new era of former non-geeks. WIN!

Price: $15.99-$20.99

To finish off this amazing list, I had to pull out the big guns, and 2009 made it a very easy choice. With no further ado, I present to you:

10. The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

(Amazon Link)
Betcha forgot about this one, didn’t you?

Ok, so maybe not so much forget as block from your memory.

Too bad! This epic, magical shirt is, in reality, neither epic nor magical. However, it’s Amazon reviews are. The hundreds of hilarious reviews earned this shirt a place in the meme hall of fame, and in the closing spot on my list of the Top 10 Geek Toys of 2009.

Price: $9.95-$19.99

So there they are! My picks for the most hilarious and/or awesome contributions to geek culture of 2009! What would YOU add to the list?

We all have a special geek in our lives, and during this holiday season, we have an incredible opportunity to show our appreciation for the joy they bring.

Just roll with me here, please?

So over the next week I’m going to share my recommendations for holiday gift ideas for the geeks in your life!

Today, we’re going to start with…

The Essentials!

1. iPhone 3G S

Yep. I will forever plug my favorite product on the planet because it’s basically every mobile gadget I need and more. It’s processing power is incredible, and paired with a simple, beautiful user interface, you have one sexy toy. Sure, you’re stuck with AT&T unless you’re okay with voiding the warranty and risking bricking upon OS update, but Apple’s customer service and the beautiful simplicity and utility of the phone more than compensate. It comes in 16GB and 32GB, both in black and white, with a 3.0 megapixel camera, autofocus capability, built in digital compass, incredible accessibility options, universal search and voice control. For more technical specs, check Apple’s site.

Price Range: $199-$699 (Pending Contract and Memory Capabilities)

2. Droid Eris

I like how Kevin Rose put this: I am Android curious. If I were to recommend any other phone that ISN’T an iPhone, this would be the one. Open source development, a smooth UI, reasonable price point, and not being stuck with AT&T makes this gadget a great addition to any geeks arsenal. On top of that, Google has done an incredible job of integrating their own services. Seamless transfer of your email, calendars and more (if you use Gmail and Google Apps) are a killer selling point on their own.

I actually got to play with one this weekend, and I have to say, though it took a couple minutes to get used to actually using buttons, it was really easy to adjust. You have 7 pages (I think one is defaulted as your speed dial page) and on each page you choose your app to keep open. Yep. It’s already open and ready to go. Nice, right? You don’t have to wait for it to load. Big win, if you ask me. Finally, unlike Motorola’s Droid, the Eris has multi-touch screen (an expected feature at this point) and it’s super lightweight. I played with a Droid as well and I was shocked at how heavy it is – seriously, it’s like a cold metal brick. The Eris is lightweight with a sleek design. It doesn’t have a flash on the camera, but it’s 5.0 megapixels. Pretty nice, right? I’m definitely a fan.

Price Range: $99-$469 (Pending contract)

3. iMac

Ohhhhhhhhmygod. The new iMac..

I need a second- just have to catch my breath here

Ok, we’re good. The new iMac integrates top of the line features such as dual core processing (with available quad core processors), a beautiful Backlit LED Widescreen display, a High Performance Graphics card, and it runs on Snow Leopard. It retains classic iMac features such as the built-in iSight camera (awesome for vlogging and live streaming), a FireWire port, SD card slot and 4 USB ports. Additionally, it’s a green machine, meeting Energy Star standards, and many components are made of recyclable materials. If that isn’t enough, the Magic Mouse (see below) and wireless keyboard come standard, PLUS it’s sleek design makes it a super sexy addition to any office or home.

Finally, I can’t evangelize Apple’s Customer Support enough. Their service reps, Geniuses and everyone else on the floor at the Apple Store are friendly, efficient, and knowledgeable. Their technical support is unmatched by ANY computer company – seriously.

Standard features depend on size, but you can load it with a 2 TB harddrive and up to 16 GB’s of memory (again, this depends on the size). You can check Apple.com for more technical specs.

Price Range: $1199-$1999 (Standard Specs)

4. Flip Ultra HD

Beyond easy to use, compact, great battery life, and incredible customer support. Who could ask for anything more?

I have a Flip Mino HD (because I wanted to customize it) and though it’s been put to great use, I have a twinge of regret for jumping the gun on it. The next gens are rumored to include WiFi and YouTube uploading capabilities, BUT as of right now those are rumors.

Price Range: $199-$229

5. Nikon CoolPix S70

A goodie on my wishlist, desirable because I have a thing for touch screens and I’m a little bit over the lack of flash on my iPhone. Nikon’s CoolPix line has a great variety of point & shoots for anyone’s needs. I like the S70 in particular for it’s resolution (12.1 megapixels), large OLED display (3.5 inches) and HD video recording. It also comes in a few different colors (I like Champagne & Beige or Champagne & Light Brown myself… hint hint) and charges via USB. You can find more specs at Nikon’s Coolpix site.

Price Range: $299-399 (Depending on where you buy it)

6. Magic Mouse

The world’s first multi-touch mouse (yet another incredible Apple innovation). To sum it up simply, it’s an ergonomic trackpad, allowing you to click, double click, drag and swipe through pages all from your fingertips alone. It is wireless, connecting via Bluetooth and uses laser tracking, instead of the standard mouse’s optical tracking. It’s incredibly responsive, beautifully sleek, energy efficient and it feels great in the hand.

Price: $69

7. An Awesome Laptop Bag

I had a really really hard time deciding on just one, so here are a few:

Belkin’s Messenger Bag
Friendly for both the ladies and gents, this well padded, adjustable strap messenger bag holds up to a 17″ laptop. It’s plush lined, has compartments for the items you use the most, and a removable pouch for your power cable and cords.

Price: $49-$59

UrbanJunket’s T.O.T.E. Laptop Bag
Feminine and functional, this bag includes some great organizational features including a removable clutch, laptop compartment, and standard item compartments. My favorite feature? The 2 removable straps that allow you to carry the bag as a messenger bag or as a backpack. It comes in many colors (Ecru, Violet, Indigo, Scarlet, Magenta, Grass, Chocolate, and Black) and it’s built with eco-friendly materials. A win all around!

Price: $120-$143

ZAUM’s Portabile Line

Incredibly chic and urbane, these handmade bags are built specifically for the size of your laptop. This bag stands out from the crowd with compartments especially for your gadgets and gear and a unique design. Because they are handmade, however, they are very limited in quantity..

Price: $170

8. Blue Microphone’s Snowflake or Yeti

If you do audio recording of any sort, whether it’s podcasting, vlogging, video production or livecasting, a great microphone is absolutely crucial. Blue Microphones are top of the line and at $69-$149, you really can’t go wrong. My 2 choices are both USB mics.

Snowflake:
The basic, classic choice for a single person recording, optimal for podcasting and narration. Snowflake uses a cardioid pattern (basically, it picks up sound from the source directly in front of it, but it won’t pick up as much sound from the sides and rear of the mic).

Price: $69

Yeti:
This mic does everything. You can change the pattern settings to better pick up based on the type of recording you’re trying to make. From solos to full choirs, the Yeti is an incredible choice for recording music, interviews, podcasts, conference calls and more.

Price: $149

9. Peet’s Coffee

What geek do you know that doesn’t love coffee? Give the gift of the highest quality caffeine and share the joy with the monthly coffee tour. There are a few different options, so shop around. My recommendation? The 12 month Classic Tasting Tour ($159). It’s 1 pound per month of Peet’s most popular blends and roasts for an entire year of caffeine-laced love.

Price Range: $41-$299

10. Coffee Warmer

While we’re on coffee.. I actually just got a killer little coffee warmer for $8 (yay Black Friday deals!) at Target. I haven’t been able to find it online, but my secondary recommendation is the Mr. Coffee Beverage Warmer. If it is anything like mine, it is a simple heating plate that keeps your ceramic mug and it’s contents warm for hours. Additionally, if it’s lukewarm, no worries – the plate warms it up beautifully!

Price Range: $9.99-$12.99

So that’s it for the essentials! Stay tuned for my favorite mobile & smartphone accessories, workspace necessities and super fun geek toys.

P.S. What’s on your wishlist?

I’m really excited for Tweetie’s 2.1 update, which was just released the other day. YAY! Now if you don’t know what Tweetie is, it is a Twitter client for the iPhone, available in the App Store for $2.99.

The reasons that I’m really excited about this update are that Atebits has integrated the new RT and list functions, on top of adding a couple of its own little perks.

Retweets

Okay, I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding the new retweet functionality. All opinions aside, I think Tweetie 2.1 has done a lovely job of integrating it with a few awesome features.

•Retweets are dog-eared in bright pink (really- you cant miss it)
•Both the original tweeter and retweeters avatars appear next to the tweet
•The original tweeters username appears alongside the retweeters handle

Sidenote: Don’t you LOVE the irony of @MayhemStudios‘ tweet there? <3

Lists

I happen to really enjoy the new Twitter lists and Tweetie 2.1 integrated them as well.

•The lists you or other users appear on are shown in a drop-down menu on the user’s profile page.

•The lists you follow appear in the ••• menu (the account/extras menu as I like to think of it), below the My Profile, Favorites, and Drafts set.

•You can create new lists and manage the members of your own lists as well.

Page Breaks

One of my favorite things about Tweetie for Mac is that it makes it easy to keep up with a high follow volume by giving users the option of seeing their entire timeline from where they last left off. Tweetie 2.1 also gives this option, but in a different way.

•A page break appears where you last left off, picking up where you are currently reading.
•If you want to read what happened in between those 2 points, tap on the break and it will load that section of your timeline.

And now for some bonuses!

Video & Image Support

Tweetie has added video support! Can I get a “Yayyyy!”?

I’ll give myself a yay. Yayyy!

•They’ve added some great image support services and video support, including Posterous and YFrog for video.
•THEY ADDED POSTEROUS TO VIDEO AND IMAGE SUPPORT!
(sorry, I’m a little excited about that one- my Posterous is a little neglected..)

I’m still waiting on Flic.kr and tr.im support (for URL shortening, obviously). However, if I were feeling ambitious, I could API it up and add them in myself. Anywho…

Auto Rotate

I don’t know about you guys, but I happen to like the portrait keyboard/mode. I get a little frustrated when I’m laying down and my screen goes all landscape, because then I have to readjust myself after finally getting comfortable and contort my body to be able to tweet and read and then I can’t find a comfortable position and once I do finally get comfortable again the screen goes landscape.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Fortunately, Tweetie 2.1 caught on to the times and gave users the option of Auto Rotating. WOO!

•Auto Rotate options are Always, on the Compose Screen Only, or Never
•Browser Rotation is a separate option altogether.

Geolocating Support

Yep. You can tell your followers where you are while you tweet.

•A little red pin appears in the corner of your tweet (next to where it’s usually dog-earred)
•Following the pin shows your location on Google maps, but stays within the app.

So those are some highlights of the Tweetie 2.1 updates. If you’re an iPhone user, I’d STRONGLY recommend Tweetie 2 (I promise – it’s worth far beyond $2.99. Really.). If you’re not already using Tweetie or you’re not an iPhone user (and I mean user as a pun- I debated on whether or not to use “iPhone junkie” instead), which mobile app do you use to tweet?

So I upgraded to iPhone OS 3.1.2 on Thursday. Within a couple hours, my precious white 32GB 3GS was going into what seemed to be the iPhone equivalent of a seizure.

At first it seemed benign. The backlight was dim as though it was about to go into sleep mode, but everything else worked fine. I restarted it to no avail, then I restored it.

That’s when things went all poltergeist.

The backlight started to flash when the phone was processing something. It was fascinating, really, because I could see how much power was used to flip between pages, open/run applications, and send texts (not writing, mind you, but sending). Power usage indicated by varying degrees of brightness.

But wait! It gets better!

So I plug in my phone directly to my MacBook (which is also plugged into the wall) and I watch my battery life drain itself away.

IT’S PLUGGED INTO A POWER SOURCE! WTF?!

By this time, it’s my lunch break, so I bring it over to the Apple Store at South Coast Plaza (a 5-10 minute drive from my office) and by this point the battery life, and apparently the phone itself, had died. Nathan, the Genius who was kind enough to squeeze me in, plugged it in directly to an outlet and gave it a little more than 10 minutes to charge. At this point, any functional iPhone would be good to go with about 20% battery life.

Not mine.

So Nathan lets me know that Apple will replace it. At the moment they were out of the 32GB white 3GS’s but he let me know that they would get them in within 4 days (and they did).

Fortunately I still have my 3G so I wasn’t without an iPhone for the weekend. However, the difference in operating speed between the 3G and 3GS is remarkable. Needless to say, the switch was a little bit frustrating.

Yes, I’m spoiled (but I spoil myself, thank you!).

Anyway, I’m now facing something of a conundrum. I’ve heard rumor of others with 3.1.2 issues, so I’m wondering if I should I install iPhone OS 3.1.2 on my replacement 3GS. Have any of you had problems with the latest iPhone OS update?

Today marks the official launch of MMS for the iPhone. Can I get a yayyyy!!

Or maybe just an “it’s about freakin’ time.”

Anyway, a few people (myself included) hacked themselves the update a little early, which is awesome. For those who haven’t, it’s super simple with a beautiful UI. Did we really expect any different?

You can send pictures from the photo album the same way you send them to MobileMe or email OR you can send them from the text form by tapping the camera icon.

In short, yay! Next steps: Tethering (COME ON AT&T!!!!) and MMS to Twitter.

Let’s make it happen, people!

You’ve all left voicemails before. You’ve all checked your voicemails. You understand how annoying those 15 second messages between the one you’ve already recorded and the beep are.
For example:

[backbeat to "Can't Touch This"]
“Leave a message
[dooo do do do, deet deet, do do, deet deet, do do]
Leave a message
[dooo do do do, deet deet, do do, deet deet, do do]
I I Iiiii Missed your call/ so at the tone
leave a message on my voicemail/ when I check my phone
I’ll call you back in just a few/ at the beep leave your number and your name
Leave a message!”
*automated voice*
“Please record your message after the tone. When you are finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options. [long pause] To leave a callback number, press 5.”
[beeeeep]

Buzz. Kill. 15 seconds of your life you can’t have back (which is just adding insult to injury considering the first part of the voicemail), wasting precious moments of your life AND wasting minutes on your phone bill.

So here’s the thing.
No one likes the automated messages. We’re not stupid. We know what to do at the beep. No one uses the pager function – it’s called a text message. Welcome to 2009. And Earth to phone companies: YOU CHARGE FOR TEXTS!
And what about the 30 seconds of BS to check your voicemail? Again, a huge waste of time and minutes.

Now I know some of you iPhone users are like, “HAH. I have visual voicemail and people who call me go straight to the beep. I rock.”
And that’s true. You do rock.
But it’s still horribly annoying to have to wait on the message when you call someone else, isn’t it?

That’s what I thought.

So ask your provider to do you a favor and stop wasting your minutes, your friends minutes and ultimately your time and get rid of the automated voicemail intro.

David Pogue of the New York Times has the right idea: he started Take Back the Beep to mobilize the cause.

So let’s get on it! Check out the link to Take Back the Beep (yep, I linked it again there) and get in contact with your mobile service provider.

Also, make sure you share it on your fave bookmarking sites (Digg, Technorati, Stumble Upon, Del.icio.us, etc.), networks (Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, Myspace, etc.) and get in contact with your mobile service provider… again.

Let’s help make this happen.
Cheers!