Dreaming during pregnancy can be.. intense. My dreams have always been interesting, but never were they THIS vivid. And telling.
So I’ve had 2 dreams where I had my baby way too early. In the first one, the baby wasn’t a baby as much as it was a fluffy white cat.
Yeah, I birthed a full grown fluffy white cat.
I felt SO unprepared and SO sad that I was missing out on having an actual baby, but I still loved it. In the meantime, baby daddy also had a new girlfriend and for some reason, she ended up with baby and me in his absence. While I prepared the nursery, they played on a playground and I felt rather jealous that the baby seemed to be having more fun with her. However, I knew that it was important to do what I needed to to give the baby a place and the things it truly needed, including sustenance (though I couldn’t nurse it because it was a cat). By the end of the dream, the nursery was put together and as I felt more ready and baby had gradually become an actual baby.
In dream 2, I had baby early (it was at week 14) and it was full grown and perfect and healthy, but again, I felt unprepared because I hadn’t gotten anything for the baby, and I was disappointed that I didn’t get to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and bask in the bump. However, I again knew what I needed to do and while baby didn’t have a nursery until the end, it was okay. It was more the feeling that I was missing out on a big part of the experience, between the anticipation and time to prepare.
On the plus side, in both dreams, baby was a girl.
So ultimately, I’ve realized that I feel rather unprepared as far as the nursery and physical things are concerned, and that’s okay. The only things I’ve bought are things for me, namely a breast pump and clothes (yep, I’ve added maternity leggings and a couple long & ruched t-shirts to my wardrobe) – I kind of want to hold off on the actual baby things until I know the gender for sure. Fortunately, it should only be a couple more weeks before we get to find out.
Other dreams have been of the horror movie variety, one where I grabbed a bow (sans arrows) from a friend’s garage down the street and just played around with it and worked on my form while talking with a coworker. As we were about to walk in, this Halloween ornament ghouly thing came from the same house came floating at me and tried to rip the bow from my hands. The coworker just kinda stood there and tried to get inside. I eventually got the bow and got inside, but good lord was that thing scary looking. It was like a little ghoul head with cheap fabric draping from it. And floating at me.
And then there are the sexy dreams, some involving women, most not. The quantity is definitely outreaching the usual amount of sexy dreams though.
So there’s that.
In the meantime, I’m in this weird limbo. I’m really not showing much and I still can’t feel Bugomatic moving around in there. I don’t have morning sickness and the food aversions are completely gone. I don’t have to pee constantly yet, and as much as I do have to go is likely due to the 100oz of fluids per day. Aside from the occasional (okay, maybe not so much occasional.. often-times-a-weekly?) bitchy morning and the round ligament pains accompanying angrier sneezes, I don’t really FEEL pregnant. It’s like your liver – you know it’s important, but you don’t really think about it.
Except you think about it a lot because it’s not your liver, it’s your spawn, and it’ll have a liver of it’s very own to live unaware of until college.
I’m sure that I’ll miss the crap out of this feeling in a few months when I’m walking around with a blimp under my shirt.
Anyway and overall, I feel kind of anxious because I don’t feel as connected as I want to. I know it’ll come with time, and what I feel now and throughout the rest of the pregnancy is nothing in comparison to what I’ll feel when I actually get to meet the baby. I know there’s no “you’re supposed to feel like this or that.” And I know that the connection comes at different times for different mothers.
Long story short, hormones suck and I’m reading far too much into this.
But I’ll talk more about how much hormones suck next week. In the meantime, you can ask the people who sit around me at the office how much hormones suck. I’m sure they could all tell you themselves.
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